Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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