OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
