yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
