There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
