she was so not down for the gang bang
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize