Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
