remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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