I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
