I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
