Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize