I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
