actually, I'm a sock model
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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