As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
