Where are you?
In a non slutty way
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
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