i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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