No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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