last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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