6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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