marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
