you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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