you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Mom said you looked used
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
