the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
