you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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