I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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