Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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