Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
