Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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