I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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