sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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