Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
