Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
stop calling my apartment porn island.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize