I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
