i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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