I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
