he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
