Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
two words...techno handjob
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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