i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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