when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
