So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
This is classic penis vs brain.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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