Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
