hell yes lets make some ravioli
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
