Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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