two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
