He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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