My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
