also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
