Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
