wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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