the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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