You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
