i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
