am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
