If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
The air taste purple.
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