i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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