They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
