I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
