He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
