Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
