i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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