I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
