I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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