There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize