who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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