can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
