She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
