I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
